Trust MeTraitor
By Rita Rizzo
“I will never trust you again!” Most of us have either heard those words spoken by others, or we have said them ourselves in a moment of angst. It seems as though trust is the one human dynamic that can be destroyed in a single act. When those we love do something unlovable we don’t generally react by saying, “I will never love you again.” We all know that love doesn’t stop just because we want it to. Trust, on the other hand, can come to a grinding halt after something as simple as a practical joke, or as complicated as a marital indiscretion. When our children lie to us, when our coworkers exaggerate, when our supervisor over-promises, when our friend invents an excuse for rejecting an invitation, trust is dashed.
One might wonder how something as fragile as trust can be so essential to every relationship we encounter. Politics, religion, business, community and family all depend on cultivating at least a modicum of trust between those issues and people we deal with daily. Without trust life is wrought with doubt, paralyzing doubt that makes one question even the most mundane details of an interaction. Doubt is an exhausting emotion that calls for extensive investigation and examination of motives, actions, facts, assumptions and reactions. Why did he say that? What does the look on her face tell me? Where did that information come from? What does he know that he isn’t saying? Suspicion abounds when doubt supercedes trust.
At this point in our history it appears that doubt is more abundant than trust in the world. Perhaps that is why Barack Obama’s message of hope resonated for so many in the 2008 election. Hope seems to be the secret ingredient that replaces doubt and restores faith. Hope renews one’s spirit and quickens one’s excitement, and allows us to know that a better tomorrow is possible.
Is there a relationship in your life that has been limping along because trust has wavered or departed completely? Being in a relationship where interdependence is needed, but little to no trust exists is an untenable limbo that cannot exist over the long term without deadening the nerves that bring feeling to the connection.
The rekindling of trust begins with hope. Let the other person(s) know that you have recently become hopeful about an improved relationship between you and them. If forgiveness is needed extend it and/or request it, then commit to behaving in ways that will re-establish trust and credibility between the parties involved. Make a formal plan to take the needed actions and demonstrate the appropriate attitude that will diminish doubt and establish a new start. Let go of the disappointment or anger you felt when trust was broken and move beyond it.
Remember, hanging on to past hurts only extends historic pain into the present. It doesn’t punish the person you lack trust in any more than it punishes you. Second chances are gifts that the hopeful give to the hopeless. Take a risk, replace doubt with hope and choose to trust someone again today. It is an investment in your future and in theirs.
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